twist and yelp

Did you know that a stomach can twist upon itself, cutting off the esophagus and requiring immediate emergency surgery in order to stay alive? 

Say what? 

I sure didn't, and when I learned that it was the large members of Canis Familiares (aka Muffin and Fluffy) that really had to fear this terrifying predicament, and not you, Homo Sapiens, I was slightly mollified, but not by much. It turns out that mans best friend is in greatest danger from this when they are taken out to exercise right after eating. 

Point of this: DON'T EXERCISE. IT KILLS. GO HUG YOUR PUP. NOW.

a new move just to keep moving*

I hope my sister doesn't read this blog. Yesterday I took the dinky into town to buy her a birthday present. She is turning 20 so I wanted her to have incredibly useless items crowding her new house. Art students need all the crap they can get!

^this is a pencil sharpener robot! It's also a wind up toy and I'm sure it will help clean up her bedroom if asked nicely.

^this fork extends up to 2 feet long! I know she's short on cash so now she can just eat other people's food. It's SO long, I couldn't find a proper angle to photograph it!

Enough about her. This is what I bought myself:


^It's a sturdy, bright orange, incredibly simple, gridded notebook. I like that it's practical, just like my brain!

^This book is really great. Some cats went around with a suggestion box in NYC and people went nuts with creativity. Check out the link for more info. Here are my favorites:


Yes, those are my stupid little fingers.
*I'm keeping my posts light-hearted so not to frighten away any new readers that venture this way. If you like when I'm bitter, I'll have to write more are night.

Don't be fooled

I would never lie to you like this:

ad:

Truth:

That's why my name ain't Wendy

I have my fits but feeling is good

updates

I
I used to volunteer at the hospital before I fell in love and got lazy and stopped caring. The woman who regulated the volunteers would call every week to ask where I was and every week I told her I was sick. One day I changed my lie from, “I'm sick,” to “I've been bad.” It sounded like a hackneyed line from a shitty porno and so I followed it with, “It's personal.” I could hear the tone of concern in her voice and she told me sweetly to feel better.

II
I was three years old when the k-foundation burnt a million quid.

III
When our friend waits patiently for the boy to come back to her I think of two things. A damsel in distress waiting for her knight and a wife waiting for her soldier to return from the war. Only in this case, the boy is not out fighting foreigners or kicking dragon ass. He is outside smoking cigarettes. Also he is punk as fuck, which is probably why she waits for him.

IV
The school year is almost over and I promise I'll start writing again more often. It was a rough year. Many things happened. Nothing mattered. As I said before I got lazy, but I promise now I have no excuse to be

V
We will still be funny, just a bit more worn down

VI
I love you all

Reflection

Life is difficult.

And I don't even know the half of it!