Sunday, September 30, 2007

Regret and Explanation

I apologize to anyone that i might have offended for using the term "roflcopter" thrice in one post. I'm sorry. it's just my new word for the weekend. I'm really not that obnxious. HAHA, LOLZ, ROLFROLFCOPTER JKZZZZ.

In Celebration of Your Creation

Tomorrow is mallorys birthday.
I suppose the purpose of this is to say some of the things that i wouldn't exactly feel totally comfortable saying, cuz you know, I am not a sentimental person. I would rather rage and punch than hug someone dissolving into a pile of cogelating tears at my feet. I'm not proud of it.

so naturally, I feel kinda awkward saying that shes the bestest friend that i've ever had, even though that shouldn't feel awkward, and that she's one of the coolest cats in the world besides my brother. I feel silly saying that i look forward to hanging out with her, because i always know we have TWO THOUSAND POUNDS OF FUN, at LEAST, and that she has helped me out in more ways that she could probably imagine. I feel silly saying that, cuz thats super cheesy and lame. Bear with me.
She stuck by me when i sort of (blah!) ditched her for my brand-new first time boyfriend time and time again, kinda sucking it up and not ever being a huge bitch about, and in fact, never bitching about it. except in her journal, of course. but she is too polite to let me read that.

ANYWAYS. she listened to me vent about his increasing stupidity, rolled her eyes and called him a "fucking deuchebag" at the appropriate moments, and i always felt better afterwards. which is more than i can claim to have done for her. And then when we finally broke up, she was the one who made me roflcopter LITERALLY through the tears (how i hate that expression) when she gave me the awkwardest hug EVER, and we both roflcoptered at the ridiculousness of the action (she's as affectionate as a cactus. a dead one. but i say that with affection). later, she was the one who rode her bike to acme with an SNL dvd, bought me a pint of ice cream and an Elle magazine, and then rode all the way to my house in the disgusting heat, and through the disgusting highway to pop up at my house. That is pretty much one of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me, in all sincerity.

[i fully realize that writing this does not make up for that fact that i haven't bought her a present yet. good enough...? :) ]

I am extremely lucky, cuz she's basically the shit, and you better believe that i mean the POSITIVE CONNOTATION of shit. but man, i hope she never finds out. her ego would explode.

Happy Birthday Mallory Scandelous Nachos Morales, and thanks for the roflcopters.

Friday, September 21, 2007


I saved a life today. A very small life, but a life nonetheless. I was being rudely jostled by my two bitches:

when i glanced to the side and into the glittering depths of ice-water that constitutes my pool, when BAWHAM! what in bearded neptunes name is that!? A drowned grasshopper floating in the shallow end!! And so commenced the inner battle that rages inside my breat everytime i'm confronted with something that has more than four legs: kill it, run away screaming, or take pity on its miserable life and save it. Well, assuming it was already dead, the tomboy in me reared its short-cropped head and made me poke it. It wiggled a leg weakly. The song "I Will Survive" immediatly started blaring itself max volume in my mind.

OMGZz. It's alive! I kinda scooped it out of the water, trying very hard not to think about what i was doing (i had JUST put on some delicious chocolate-smelling lotion, what a waste), found my camera, and brought the half-dead thing to the backyard swing set contraption. I could've left it there, and been content that I at least gave it a fighting chance, but my spectacle-clad eyes fell upon my brothers super expensive high quality Burger King action figure.


>> be continued...<<

Monday, September 10, 2007

learning is contagious

I seriously think I'm allergic to my school building. This morning while taking a timed diagnostic test I nearly died. Bad enough I was freezing and my nose was runny but somewhere in heaven, God decided it was a good time for Mallory to have a cough attack. I was so embarrased, I could not stop coughing! Everyone around me was trying to concentrate and I was having fits in my chair.

Tomorrow I'm packing lozenges.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Don't you dare make me cover this textbook.

Ahoy! today was the first day of school! As usual, I couldn't sleep. It is not because I'm nervous (puh-lease) but because I'm an insomniac who can't stop thinking when all I want to do is relax. Actually I never get anxious for school anymore. After going to grade school for eleven years, I stop caring. Sad, huh?
I woke up exhausted and while making breakfast I dropped butter on my shoe, which i knew was not a good sign. I realize that my last post displayed my enthusiasm towards school but that immediately faded once I realized what I was going back to: Work. Stress. High Schoolers. Hey, surround yourself with teenagers and you'll slowly start to hate the world.
Cynicism aside, the first day wasn't so bad. My teachers all seem nerdy and swell. Junior year is going to kill me but finding a friend in the halls might make this year bearable.

Listening skillz!

Last night around the telly with mom and Elaine something curious happened. I was watching something spectacular on the screen when I realized my mom was talking to me, so i said:
huh? sorry I wasn't paying attention. Mom tsked at me.
Later Elaine told my mom about something her friend did (apparently is was hilarious). Mom said: oh i don't really know what you're talking about, I wasn't listening. Elaine rolled her eyes.
I noticed the pattern and pointed it out: Nobody listens to anyone, this is a vicious cycle. That was when Elaine peeled her eyes off the t.v. and said: Wait...what?

More reasons to turn off the telly...

Sunday, September 2, 2007

School is cool. I is nerd.

I'm all ready for school on Thursday! I got a haircut that looks good (every other day), some new threads and kicks, I did all my summer work and my brain is buzzing with a readiness to learn!

I bought this one shirt:

It's pretty snazzy in my opinion. It has those holes in it so I can stick my thumbs (why the hell would want to do that? idk...) and a really cool pattern thingy. So a few days after I bought it my mum comes running into my room asking me if I know about my shirt. She flipped it upside down:

and omigod! It's a stocking shirt! These cats in Israel got some warm darling stockings and cut a hole for the head and sent it out for suckers like me to buy. I wasn't sure whether to be excited or appalled that my head is going to be sticking out where the crotch is supposed to be. Anyways it's pretty fucking fantastic and I can't wait to wear it.

Another thing I want to show off are my new kicks. They're pretty conventional (nike's for gods sake!) but I love them so. I can't decide whether I like them better than my old shoes so I'll let you decide:

Who would win in a fight?:

(I'm amazing as photoshop, no?)

Saturday, September 1, 2007

S.H.I.T. # 5

This one seems pretty self-explanatory but I'm going to explain anyways. Most people zone out when they find themselves caught in a conversation about shampoo or grocery shopping or anything particularly uninteresting. I-on the other broken hand-could be in a crucial conversation about saving someones life or about my future. It doesn't matter how important the conversation is because eventually I will start to wonder should I be switching shampoos now? My hair has lost some of its know I'm also going to tell mum to pick up some pop-tarts the next time she's at the grocery store...

This habit has gotten me into some trouble in the past and will undoubtedly hurt me in the future. To anyone who thinks of me as rude, inadequate or boring...I was probably:

#5-Zoning out or daydreaming during the conversation