Thursday, May 31, 2007

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


i just started volunteering at the hospital. Yesterday was my training but i can't tell you about it or they will sue. So, working around the system, lemme tell you about yesterday which was probably the worst day of my life:

I'm working on floor ____ which means i'll be ____ and _____. I had to be there for ____hours but luckily it was ____. I basically watched the nurses_____ like crazy, while i answered _____ and ran from ____ to _____ asking if they needed _____. Oh did i mention i have to take _____, _____, and _____ down to the _____? It's _____ but i'll be okay.

Right before i had to leave the nurse asked me to _____ a _____. This would be my first time so i didn't know what to do and ____ decided to stay with me, which was ______. The ____ was really ____ and it took forever. ____ told me she never had a _____ that _____. Just my luck.

On the way home i had to listen to my mom scream her head off because she has a life and can't be my taxi and even if she did own a taxi co. it would be the WORST SERVICE EVER.

As if being horribly tired (both physically and emotionally) isn't enough, my immune system failed me, which is why i ignored my alarm clock and stayed home today to watch queer as folk (season 1)

Sunday, May 27, 2007

out with my droogs

there is a terrible lightning storm outside and i am watching a clockwork orange.

my weekend in a nutshell (preferably almond):

Friday: an absolutely awful time was spent in a cold inhospitable building we call the mall. I felt like a real teenager loitering outside with the others. Cigarettes probably stolen from older siblings were smoked, and nothing important was discussed. It's depressing and pathetic so i beg fellow teenagers: Stop wasting your time! you're not even enjoying yourselves, are you?

Oh the number of looks i exchanged with Danielle, you'd think my eyes would roll out of my head.

(Alex is raping a girl)

Saturday: lunch in town with Danielle, Chenab, Sam. Chenab goes to private school so we rarely see eachother. It was pleasant but the walk to Danielle's nearly killed me. I looked forward to jumping into her pool but it seems she wants me dead because the shock of the pool water nearly stopped my heart. Can my body withstand these cruel extreme temperatures?!

Well im still alive...

(Alex has his hands in his underwear)

Sunday: Pirates with Mydili, Vivian, Shen, Debby, Amanda. What an awful movie. Disney, you disappoint me!

Later we went back to Vivian's and ate. Mydili says i have a natural ability to shake my ass because im hispanic. Maybe i do, but that doesnt mean i will.

(Alex just had an orgy with the girls he met at the store)

Isn't my life just like Alex's? Maybe without the debauchery and inventive slang ...but we both love a little Ludwig Van (that is, before the brainwashing).

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

you're a stone cold fox

About 20 minutes ago my sister Jen opened the front door so she could leave and wreak havoc about the town. Instead she screamed and ran back inside causing me to believe that a murderous villian had finally decided to make his move. What really happened? she found a fox.

i came too late to see, but apparantly the little guy was very casual about the whole situation and quietly walked away.

i secretely wish something far more exciting happened. In the Fox and the Hound, they overcame the social norm and became friends!

Jen ought to be more understanding if she wants animal friends. Next time you find a critter at your doorstep, invite the fellow in for a good spring cleaning:

Monday, May 21, 2007

a curious incident after a doleful weekend:

I borrowed Susan Sontag's I, etcetera from the library last week and, while scanning the pages of Old Complaints Revisited, I came across a pressed leaf.

The leaf isn't very pretty, and the story isn't very good (Oh Sontag, I am not worthy) so i can only assume it fell into the pages by accident.

Maybe i will use this incident to conjure an elaborate story about Laurence Royal sitting under a tree in Princeton Battlefield, the unread book remains open in his lap until a gust of wind...

but i probably wont.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Baby Beluga

Baby beluga in the deep blue sea,
Swim so wild and you swim so free.
Heaven above and the sea below,
Just a little white whale on the go.

Baby beluga, baby beluga,
is the water warm?
Is your mother home with you so happy.

Way down yonder where the dolphins play,
Where they dive and splash all day,
The waves roll in and the waves roll out,
See the water squirting out of your spout.

Baby beluga, baby beluga,
sing your little song,
Sing for all your friends,
we like to hear you.

When it's late and you're home and fed,
Curled up snug in your waterbed,
Stars are shining and the moon is bright,
Good night, little whale, goodnight.
Baby beluga, baby beluga,
with tomorrow's sun,
Another day has come,
you'll soon be waking.

Baby beluga,
baby beluga,
is the water warm?
Is your mother home with you so happy.
Lyrics by Raffi
If you haven't heard this song yet, then get to it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Barbie, there's blood on your dress!

Today my friend sadhana told me about her nightly routine:

"first i listen to one song on my ipod...then i watch a little bit of Bring it On....then i read Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging....then i fall asleep.

well actually... i always open my eyes to check if my dolls are coming closer"

I'm sure anyone who has ev
er had dolls in their bedroom understands that those little buggers will probably kill you in your sleep. And so i offer a solution:

thanks to patricia waller

Sunday, May 13, 2007

cakes, moma, mama, feet

Happy Mother's Day!
At this moment my mother has gone AWOL...
actually that is not true but I usually never get a chance to say that.
Right at this moment I am searching for a scrumptious carrot cake recipe to make for my mother. Very foolishly I headed to and lets face it, I'm not advanced enough for this recipe
Danielle is in New York with her Mother, ac
tually she just called me to ask where the MOMA is. I wish I knew, and I hope she finds it. (It's her first time!)
Oh the MOMA! Imagine living there. I would sleep in Rauchenbergs bed and hide in the bookstore and eat at the The Modern...and probably drive myself crazy.

So yesterday Danielle and I attended a peace fest. Student activists, music, falafel and bare feet!
For a good cause it was O.K. but all that feet just doesn't seem like a good idea! We nearly suffocated before i decided to shag ass and we ran outside to climb a tree. I fear heights but Danielle's monkey-like skills came in handy. We yelled at a boy with dreadlocks and were the official tree Gods...until an awkward couple caught us spying on them.

Anyways back inside the "fest" was finally picking up and the hippies started dancing and the world started raining, and things were

So back at home i was thinking about being terribly young and caring about the world and how maybe a 16 year old activist isn't really doing anything at all but if you get a whole bunch of kids and they sorta care or want to care...well thats really all we can do. Am i making any sense? Maybe not.

Friday, May 11, 2007

spidey can't compete with this web.

the world wide web is zapping our brain cells. we are evolving into robots pathetically dependent on myspace and facebook.why do you think everyone is donning a fake tan? the glow from our computer screen is not emitting UV rays, and do you honestly think we'll head out into the sun?

now before you start nodding your head incessantly at this completely refreshing point of view, i will pull out my devil's advocate mask (which looks alot like my L.A. teacher)and tell you the number one reason i "fUkIn LUV the internetz!!11!!! LMAO!"


how else would i recieve my swedish imports if some handsome devil wasn't sitting by his computer, shoving his music through file sharing sites?

how else would millions of people (some more interesting than others) tell me about their day?

how else would i be able to see 12,325,123 videos about your dogs, or friends, or comedy routines?

how else would i get my porn?

seriously guys, stop complaining about how destructive the web is. we're all secretely addicted, why not make the most out of it?sure, people type like douche bags and have no social skills but if you keep your eyes open you'll find some cool things.

THERE'S MORE TO IT THAN MYSPACE aka MALLORY'S FAVORITE SITES/SIGHTS: oh no, another blog! oh wait, she's actually likeable. Fellow bloggers, take some notes and you might learn something. who the fuck wants to see kittens and bunnies?!? I do. like only unrated and without the pics. like only with pictures and less sex. wanna see your bands in concert? watch it here! you boppers listen to some cool tunes, huh? a search engine for music blogs. do not fear the germans! you'll get tired of people pointing at your stuff and saying how cute it is. t-shirts don't get any better than this Sakamoto's poetry keeps it real sorry fellas, tits as in birds. really snobby birds. always fun to see what christian conservatives are up to these days, check out their campaigns. racism is NOT COOL, okay Imus? joint photography project. beautiful idea. what they should be teaching us in basic geometry mailbox feeling lonely? woah that chick is flyyyyy. (Mallory) with a love like that, you know you should be glad! [Danielle]

(edited by D.)

First Impressions

Georgia font because we're peachy. Fo realz, yo.

who are these magical figures typing up this blog?

I am Mallory, and the girl sitting next to me is Danielle. We are wonderful children trapped in the suburbs. Bear with us.

The tarp over Danielle's pool looks like a giant TRAMPoline. yeah i would love to jump on it but i dont feel like falling into the murky abyss she calls her pool.

Who are you? Tell me a little bit about yourself.

If our readers are having trouble distinguishing who is who ( if there ARE any readers out there) just remember Danielle is usually writing nothing in general and will probably have a very sardonic tone. Mallory on the other hand is a bit more formal....and appreciates the use of outdated slang, you dig? "Lies!" Danielle claims. Bummer.

"Type, woman!" says Mallory. "Sexist bastard!!" says Danielle.

umm okay First Impressions: right now we probably come off as pretty obnoxious, but shut the fudge up for all you know i could be a 40 year old man who still lives with his mother. speaking of which, we both do.

"we love our maahthurs"

Okay Danielle is having doubts but like i said before: Bear with us.