you-so-true

Sadhana: I hate her so much. I hate her more than Snape. I even hate her more than Lord Voldemort.

Mr. Modest

Alex: I love chess. I love checkers. I also love drawing. Wow I have a lot of talents.

Requirements for bff/admirer (from afar)

I have a list in my head of all the people I really wish I were friends with in our school, so that when I passed them in the hallways I could wave and smile at them and they would respond in a like manner. Instead, I have to admire/desire from afar...

The list includes:

The cool Korean boy with the killer afro and style to match

The-4 foot 8 inches-hobbit-boy-with-hobbit-hair-and-girl-voice

The charming math teacher

The wild out of his mind loud white-haired Government teacher

The charming and attractive football player/genius hotshot

The small adorable skater kid who graduated last year (whenever I passed him in the hallway I had a frantic urge to gently place him in my pocket and keep him there, like a small pocket pet. Actually, I feel the same urge with subject #2.) 

The list goes on and on. I do realize that this may give some the accidental impression that I am a creepasaurus rex. I simply write what we are all thinking, really. I mean, lay on the charm and wittiness, throw in a foreign accent and a small stature, and you will be my best friend. Or at least I will hope/pretend you will one day be.

Bad poetry...oh noetry!

Some found poetry on the bathroom door. Very inspirational and moving, no?

Our age is showing

Alex: If it's you and me on the same team against Daddy we will win. We're young.

Things Sadhana Says.com

While Mallory created the blog "Things my mother says," I felt that I simply had to find a way to get the things that Sadhana says out to the world. However, the creative juices that seem to course through Mallory's body were sucked dry by my laziness, so I'm just adding a "Sadhanasaurus Rex Says:" label for those wonderful things that fly out of her mouth. Don't you wish you had a Sadhana?

Nerdasaurus Rex

S: You know how there's Build-a-Bear?

Me: Yeah

S: I wish there was Build-a-Light-Saber!

On death

S: I don't know how people are brave enough to kill themselves. If I had to kill myself I would probably OD on Flinstones Vitamins.

drapery and carpeting

Me: Well, you know what they say...the carpet doesn't match the drapes, eh?

Sadhana: (looks around) what drapes?

A real pal

A recent phone conversation with my friend Sadhana:

S: I found the best secret for making scrambled eggs
M: what
S: add milk
M: I could have told you that
S: Am I the only one who doesn't know that?!?
M: yes. Remember when you made me breakfast?
S: No
M: well you hard-core scrambled those eggs. I was eating a million tiny egg dots. I needed a spoon.
S: Shut up! I made them into non choke-able pieces for you!!

possible college essay?

It's nice to know that when I disappear for a while Danielle is still typing away with her anecdotes. It's like I'm on vacation and she's the friend I ask to feed the fish. Excuse me, I mean the BELUGA.

One of the reasons I've been AWOL is the SAT. The last time I took it, my brain had melted THE DAY BEFORE THE TEST and appeared to be dripping out of my nose and eyes. It's difficult to read passage one and give a fuck enough to compare it to passage two when you're suffering from the common cold. Weirdly enough I did fine. Just not fine enough.

Last night I decided to do some last minute studying (the test was this morning) because I'm so responsible. I had my brain food out on the table, number two pencil, graphing calculator and DANIELLE, JON, SAMI, and ANDREW sparring in the same exact room. I knew it was day before SAT day, but more importantly it was FRIDAY and if you think I'd spend it alone then you overestimate my study habits. I was the only one who had to take the test which is exactly why I invited them all over and spent the rest of the night wreaking havoc in my neighborhood.

I took the test this morning and I'm not worried at all. I'm the smartest person alive* and telling the world (aka whoever reads this) about how I prepared for the test is my way of telling College Board to suck it.

*or the dumbest. This is debatable**

**don't debate it.

Good for you, glenn coco!

At the animal hospital, we sometimes have to keep pets for a couple of days to a couple of weeks for surgery, observation, etc. Oftentimes, IF THEIR OWNERS LOVE THEM, they visit them in the hospital, spending sometimes hours cooing into their oftentimes mangled ears. It's sweet, and sad, and sometimes funny, like the stuffy woman last week who came in complaining that we were serving tap-water to Precious, and not only tap water, but ROOM temperature tap-water, because at home her Precious only got Perrier Ice Water, and that's why Precious had Internal Bleeding, and she pronounced each word like they were all capitalized.

Today was lovely, though. Most owners visit for about 10-15 minutes, often more. Not today! Coco is an adorable squish-faced pug (as opposed to the smooth-faced?), very old, and very fat who was staying at the hospital for about a week for a toe problem. Today I was told that her owner wanted to visit Coco, and I brought her out and saw the darlingest happiest wrinkliest oldest chinese man. He stooped down to look at Coco in her bulging eyes and said, "Hello, Coco!" very politely with hardly suppressed joy. He then straightened up, smiled at the dog, said, "Good-bye Coco!" and tottered out the door. That's it. I was left there completely nonplussed, but it made me happy. Hope Coco is happy too.

before I forget...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALLORY who has ditched this blog in favor of things my mother says (I swear).

My mom got her a killer nerf gun and I gave her a dancing robot wind-up toy and a fearsome t-rex wind-up and SLAMWICH. If she has any sense she will take a video of the wind-ups and provide the internet with endless fascination.