he likes his jazz the way he likes his peanut butter

Dear Dad,

Hi. I was just in the car with you, remember? Anyways, riding shot gun gave me an excellent opportunity to observe your ears. They aren't shaped any differently, they don't hang low , or wobble to and fro, you can't tie 'em in a knot, you can't tie 'em in a bow....

okay, the reason i was searching for a flaw or possible wax build-up was because you cannot stop listening to SMOOOOOOOOTH JAZZ.

don't get me wrong, i love jazz. I can write a news article 5x faster when jazz is playing, but c'mon smooth? smooth?!

I try to be accepting. I bite my tongue from calling it elevator music, "Let us put you on hold" music, but my head starts throbbing and my lids get heavier and suddenly i want to fall out of the car and roll down the street. Honestly.

I googled "smooth jazz haters" in hopes of finding others like me. Instead i found an article about another man's smooth jazz addiction. Kirk Pynchon regrets his affinity for smooth jazz, he understands that "like masturbation, listening to smooth jazz is best done alone." (yikes, am i addressing my father?)

Father's Day is coming soon so my present to you? Accepting your lifestyle as a smooth jazz lover.
In the meantime I will fulfill my jazz craving with a little Charles Mingus (check the top right to dl)
Sincerely,
Mallory