Saturday, December 27, 2008

Are you finding everything okay, you piece of shit?

updates:

I am having a very wonderful holiday doing absolutely nothing
My computer has a virus because I have a nasty porn addiction
Just kidding about the porn addiction. It's mild.
I received: music, many scarves, socks and gossip girl.
I have been working at a toy store since October and I'm starting to realize that shoppers have very peculiar habits. This is my first time in retail and I'm wondering if every shopper has a set of rules they are required to follow.

Of the ones I am learning about here are my absolute favorites:
1. when entering a store make sure you ignore the sales lady when she greets you. No eye contact! They are your slaves, don't condescend.
2. Let your child run free and ruin everything. Don't put anything back where you found it. In fact, shove the toys behind the shelves. That way no one can find it!
3. Shopping is a team effort. Every shopper needs help at the same time. Every shopper needs to pay at the same time and every shopper wants their purchase to be gift wrapped. This is especially necessary when there is only one employee in the store.
4. Does the sales lady not know what you're talking about? get angry. She's a moron for not knowing about that organic Swedish toy that will teach your child quantum physics.
5. Yell really loudly about how expensive the products are instead of taking the family to Walmart and shutting the fuck up
6. If she's wearing a blue apron and a name tag, ask her if she works at the store
7. If the store closes at 9, come in at 8:58 with your three kids.

hope your holiday shopping was awesome!
-Mallory

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

good to hear from you. I mean aside from every day. what

-D

NYD said...

You forgot to remind people not to use basic words of courtesy like please and thank you.

Anonymous said...

thanks danielle! i know what you mean tho

and how could i forget the magic words! sometimes i hang around the customer a little longer and wait for them to say thank you. it's pretty uncomfortable when they don't realize what im waiting for and just say um "okay that's all"

-M

tony said...

English Shopping Is Very Much The Same!

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